1-13-04

I am going to be a warrior princess with a duct tape sword.

Auuugh! Why, oh why, must some Catholics insist on having their own, special, elite group of people with culture that is specifically Catholic in origination - and ignore all the other beautiful things that are Catholic in their very essence?! Like...the Ramones...or Latin dancing; even dancing at all. At one point in time, I did wish that Catholics could go off and start their own nation somewhere or other, but I developed a tidbit of sense and realized "Gee - we're not called to hide away and horde truth, but to cry it out from the rooftops even if it means martyrdom." It's a form of love towards are neighbor, and it is an imperfect love if it is not encompassing everyone, despite their resenting, scorning, or not acknowledging it.

This also applies to culture, in one sense - culture, even if not Catholic in name, can be Catholic in nature and we cannot hide from this. Auugggh! Words are so inadequate. The Catholic Church gathers all she can to herself, it does not matter whether or not we percieve things to be good, but that we take on the view the Church has and see with specially-enhanced-Church-goggles and embrace the good always and everywhere.

Ave crux, spes unica! Oh glorious Church! Truly did whatshisface said that not even a hundred hate the Church for what it truly is.

Never give up! I was foolish to become downhearted at the thought of the two upcoming weeks - huzzah! Sound the trumpets, blare the horns, take out victory wreaths - for I have resolved to be cheerful even if I perish in the attempt.

My siblings are weird.

J.M.J. keep you close,
Mood: Tranquil
Music: Eels - The Medication Is Wearing Off
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1-12-04

Death Cab For Cutie has some really cute songs.

I keep forgetting that people somehow or other find my website - hi people!

These next couple'a weeks are going to be grueling - not because of college - march for life, and a weekend of babysitting. I must read ahead if'n I wish *this* weekend to be free for complete and utter abandonment to merriment. *sigh* Please pray for my endurance, patience, and temper during the next two weeks. I'm going to be falling behind, already, and then getting depressed and curling up into a little ball crying silently in my room with all the lights off so people will think I'm asleep, missing my family, and generally having nervous breakdowns every three minutes.

It won't be that bad. I hope.

J.M.J. keep you close,
Mood: Meloncholy
Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Sound Of Settling
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1-11-04

Yes - I know my pet peeve sounded scathingly mean to all and sundry, but I do make distinctions between those who do these things with innocent intentions all aglow, and those who don't consider consequences, and those who are just mean little punks and deserve to have their bottoms dusted with a shoe that has some force impelling it.

Babysat my two youngest siblings for 6 1/2 hours. Became little sister's tissue, as she (and brother) had a horrendous cold. I'm all slimed up now - it must be a special baby-defense-mechanism designed to weed out those who truly care for the well being of the baby as opposed to those who care only for their silly-food-trough-wiper-clothing. See - if they're materialistic, they won't treat the child right....or something.

Owies. I manage to hurt myself frequently - sometimes, never even knowing how I did it. I've developed a limp, because my leg seems...out of joint. How I did that...only the muses know. Next, last night (a bare 50 minutes ago), I managed to bruise my upper-legs bountifully, when playing King Elephant with Ellen, Marie, Martin, Eric, Matthew and Ben. I am bruised, bleeding, and with a gimp leg. Prone to accidents (the most memorable at Campion being when running down the stairs in the girls dorm, seeing two doors, getting easily confused, and instead of heading for either opening ran straight into the wall --- splat), and with a pet peeve.

The peeve being that when guys try to mimic me, I get terribly angry at their audacity, for unconsciously, they exaggerate everything beyond belief and come up with a monster-like image. It is rude to the person being imitated, if done in a negative fashion. For example, I begin to wonder when people stick their front teeth out, and make ugly faces, imitating me, as to whether I am really that grotesque, and that they can take even a genuine smile of mine, and joy at something, and then throw it in my face to simply mock and magnify the fault of my looks. Isn't it genius to think someone would be amused at such a disregard for someone's feelings? You do not wander up to a lady and tell her "GEE! You're FAT, and I don't mean P-H-A-T, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!!!" It's simply a slap in the face - she knows how she looks, and if she's made fun of for something that in some cases she simply cannot help -well she'll think you're terribly rude and/or feel as though if she's so horrible that people comment, then she isn't worth beans. Don't make fun of people in that way. It is so very mean.

Bed time. Wheee! I love my pillows. I think I'm going to propose to mine, tomorrow. Bob-the-pillow is so very shy and refuses to speak up, although we were obviously made for each other.

J.M.J. keep you close,
Mood: Sleepy
Music: Silence
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1-9-04

Damn I'm good!

Anonymous opposing debator: Rabid... you better read some books about the early church
Anonymous opposing debator: before you make a claim like that
Anonymous opposing debator: because that's totally WRONG and show's you've been influenced by like minded individuals

Woweee... I went into a *Catholic* chatroom and was jumped on by two people for having the audacity to state that the Church is the same now as it was 2000 years ago, with a third person urging them on. Sure, our views of things have been refined, but the Church Herself hasn't. It all started with relavatism, and a Catholic jumped down my throat for saying there was some concrete morality... I was accused of being "blinded." That makes three times in the past week that people have accused me of being the equivilent of brainwashed, stupid, and close-minded.

Reminds me of my English class wherein my entire class (minus one or two people who agreed with me) started yelling at me for my beliefs and the teacher had to call the class to order. o=) >=) Or again, during my many debates in biology with 2-4 classmates at a time, per week. Am I that confrontational? It's not that I'm extremely good at debating, it just happens to come my way. Maybe it's because I'm not good at debating that people decide to get an easy score and ostensibly crumble someone's world...?

I had another dream, last night. I was in our kitchen, discussing with my older brother how to achieve truth, which was on the pinnacle of a tower off in the distance. I suggested flying, and then leapt out the window and soared off into a park, forgetting about my brother and the pursuit of truth - because of what happened in the park.

When I landed, beheld a grisly scene - there were heads as far as the eye could see. I think they were dead. The perpertrator of the deed, was an Irish Terrior, who was raging at humanity's injustices and taking it out on the people itself. It's master came (an old lady in a frilly cap, with a triple-chin and a lady-like dress), and she gently remonstrated it without meaning what she said (only for appearance), and took him off to have tea with a duchess, or some other high-falutin' people.

I flew after (whee!), and landed on her porch, and entered into the house, where her terrior was by her side, and she was delicately discussing stuff, on a white wicker chair, drinking tea with fine china. There were potted palm trees all around, and I came to the lady and asked her where I could fly from, with her dog. She stared at me disdainedly, waved her hand and imparted that there was a roof. I looked at the dog, and took it, for I wanted to help. I understood that the dog wasn't inherently bad, but bitter and resentful, and I needed to show it beauty. I went back to the porch, and began climbing metal stairs which went up and up and up. As I climbed, the dog turned into a fat, spoiled child, and yet I felt an infinite amount of love for him as I led him gently up the stairs.

When I got to the top of the stairs, I was on a tower looking hundreds and hundreds of feet down. I was ready to fly, and the boy hung back, crying because he was so scared - for he knew I was planning to fly. I had no idea if I could or no with me carrying this added weight, or even if I could fly this high. But I had to fly with him - he would die an old man, sick and twisted in his bedroom, consumed with worms of hatred that would make him miserable for all eternity. I had to save him. I had to - he only needed overflowing love to wash away his hatred of humanity. And because I enjoyed flying. So I took him to my side, clasped him, and told him not to be scared - he could trust me. He stopped crying, and I jumped and dropped and---

--- with an exhilarating feeling of relief, I swooped along with the child, and landed back in the park. There, I distracted him from setting his rage free again, by simply doing things with him that any child would love - swinging, blowing bubbles... Then I woke up.

It was a very vivid dream, and despite the horrors, I wasn't scared at all. I felt only compassion and sadness - and great joy at being able to fly. I *think* that the events above were what happened, but am not 100% sure. I wouldn't want to have it again, for the tragedy was too great. This small hurt boy, wildly lashing out and no one caring for him...

J.M.J. keep you close,
Mood: Contemplative
Music: Vast - The Last One Alive
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1-8-04

I let myself think today about the situation of the women at Campion. I don't often do so, as it makes me rather irate. When going to to MFL, the boys will have showers and the girls will not (unless something changes). For four days. It's not anyone's fault, it just happened that way, and I'll have a fine and dandy time.

Yet - what the heck is up with the girls getting the short straw all the time? We're the weaker sex! Protect, honor, cherish, strew our paths with roses instead of laughing at our miseries and pain. Sheeze. We are treated as though we are the brawny, muscular males... I FEEL REVERSE-SEXUALLY-DISCRIMINATED-AGAINST! (referring not to MFL) I want my pedestal back, darnit!

Today most royally sucked. Tomorrow, though, is a new day as is this next minute, hour, and so on. Just keep smiling, just keep smiling.

It wasn't wise of me to accidentally get no sleep last night, and then forget to eat until afternoon, after working, working, working on some time-sensitive stuff. My body is now kicking me and making me make it up to the tired cells, for within the past few hours, I've consumed a huge bowl of soup, a pb&h sandwhich, and a large mug of cocoa. For me, that's sufficient for a day (when sitting down at a computer - don't be shocked), but I'm still hungry.

J.M.J. keep you close,
Mood: Calming down
Music: Nat King Cole - It's Only A Paper Moon
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